Growing Up the Muse

So I have been musing lately (no surprise there). This time, however, I have been musing on a practical level. This I never do on a normal basis, but I am slowly coming to realize that I must not ignore reality any longer.

In precisely two weeks and two days, I will be seventeen years of age. Still young, yes, but getting older, more mature. And, faced with this prospect, I realize that I must bring myself to meet that maturity.

For the past few years, I have immersed myself in the world of the young girl that I never let go of. I do not regret doing so, but it is high time that I left that world behind, at least in part. This imaginary little world has affected the way I think, as well as the way I write. Therefore, my writing has remained shrouded in a little cloud -- or in a bubble, as I like to call it. I still love my bubble of an imagination, but I cannot let it influence my writing the way it has been.

As not only a writer, but a poet, and an author of fiction, I know I cannot stave off the little girl inside me. No, I must nurture her, preen her wings, prepare her for the world that awaits the two of us.

This means, of course, no rambling about fictional characters in the tween-ish way I'm accustomed to. I must approach the literary characters I encounter with a mature and level-headed mind. I'm trying to become more analytical, though I will by no means turn aside romantic attraction altogether.

Concerning personal writing goals, I must focus on the quality of my writing, and less on the subject matter. Yes, I must prioritize, and fast. The pressures of college searching and the coming year of school -- my last year -- are slowly working their way into my everyday life. Then there is my depression and fatigue, which cover me like a cloud and severely inhibit my Muse. I am trying to get my life in order, and writing and reading are constantly on my mind. Writing is my life force, and reading is the thing that drives it. My life is in disarray while my Muse is dormant. No matter what, I must fight to keep her awake.

My Muse takes on a few different forms, from tender faerie-child to fierce warrior-angel. Depending on my mood and what I am writing, she takes on a certain likeness. I don't want to change those likenesses, but I want to grow them up to match the mindset I need (if that makes any sense). Of course, if I mature, my Muse will follow suit. I rely on her. And she is, in every way, real. When I can't feel her is when I'm at my worst.

I must bring this to a close. I realize that I have promised things throughout the course of blogging that I have not gotten around to posting. I must say, as of late I have been very lacking in follow-through, and for that I apologize. Whatever I can post I will, and I will try to keep posting as often as I can.

That said, I hope I can get my Muse to squeeze out a few more poems and such before summer's end. Once I'm in school and my mind is occupied again, I'm sure I will be able to do better. I hope the medications I'm taking will give me the energy and the drive to get things done. I have high hopes for the coming year, and I trust God to keep me safe and secure and to lead me through these tough times.